Emotional Healing After C-section: Tips to Help Your Recovery

Toyin

4 years ago

My Birth Story Didn’t Go as Planned

Very few women’s do. I found out ON my due date that my husband tested positive for COVID. My once, thankfully, uneventful pregnancy completely flipped upside down in the final hour. Everything leading up to that moment was going as planned. I didn’t know and hadn’t planned for months of emotional healing after my c-section.

Being pregnant during a pandemic was a different kind of stress than what I had experienced with anything else. Living through a pandemic is isolating in its own right, being pregnant during one is a balancing act.

To make a long story short, the moment I found out my husband had COVID, I went into over drive to do everything in my power to 1) Not get COVID myself (which thankfully did not happen), 2) get him healthy 3) delay the progression of my pregnancy long enough for him to be symptom free so he could be at the hospital for the delivery. All of this equals copious amounts of stress at the very moment when I needed to be stress free.

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Expectation vs. Reality

I envisioned my last week of pregnancy as a time for my husband and I to embrace the remaining moments of us, a party of 2, while giddily imagining what and who our soon to be babe would be. Instead, we were isolated from each other, wearing masks and gloves throughout the house. I did everything in my power to aid his recovery; cooking fresh soups and juices, ensuring he took his vitamins. All while coaching my baby in my belly to stay put. Each night as I lay to sleep, I would rub my belly and recite out loud the days of the week that we had remaining to symptom free. I was in a constant state of panic as any contraction I felt, I worried I was gong into labor and it was time.

Fast forward to induction date and baby does not move. I coached him so well to stay put that after nearly 48 hours of induced laboring, preeclampsia, and a fever of 104, it was deemed that I needed a c-section.

Coming to Terms with a C-Section

I hadn’t planned for a c-section. In my birth plan, I always said “I would do a c-section if necessary because the outcome of a healthy baby trumped all other scenarios.” I said that, but I had no clue what a c-section truly was. And I did the prenatal classes.

But, now in hindsight, I realized each class I took centered on vaginal birthing and c-section was almost an after thought. At the time that was fine for me, an afterthought, “Sure, I’ll have one if needed”. I was completely ill prepared for a c-section.

I am a planner and it took me a good amount of time to come to terms with the fact that I failed to plan for all scenarios of birth. Society puts rose colored glasses on when talking about birth. Reality has those glasses off and sometimes it is not pretty.

The months after my son’s birth I ran through the gamut of emotions. From feeling like I failed myself for not being able to have a vaginal birth as planned to feeling guilty that “yes, I have a healthy baby, so why should I feel bad” to how could I not have prepared myself for this physical pain and recovery?

The beginning of my transition back to a healthy state of mind came when I realized that there must be other c-section mamas out there who have been through the same experience. Afterall, in the US a whopping 30% of babies are delivered via c-section. It helped me to realize what I had always known— I am not the only one to be experiencing this.

Psychological Effects of C-section in Mothers

One thing I kept hearing and have learned to be true is “a c-section is a major surgery”. At first I resented this statement because it further validated my anger that I hadn’t prepared myself.

But as I dig deeper into my experience of not just going through a c-section but learning more about it, I’m realizing that it is a major surgery for multiple reasons. In addition to any abdominal surgery being a major surgery, a c-section also has psychological effects on the mothers. Most especially first-time mothers of unplanned c-sections who are 15% more likely to experience postnatal depression. I believe it. I was on that path and it took some time for me to find my way.

Emotional Healing After a C-section

The adjustments to life with a newborn demand a different kind of you. Often as mothers we do not have time to process our own self wellness of the experience. The adverse effects of not taking care of our emotional wellbeing can linger for a long time and show up in other unhealthy ways.

It is perfectly normal to be thankful for your healthy baby while simultaneously feeling angry, sad and negatively emotional about the birth experience.

I want to share what process I took to begin my journey of emotional healing after a c-section. These steps helped bring me closer to a healthier state of mind and I hope they can help you.

Take the Time to Respect What You Are Feeling?

It is important to allow yourself to grieve the moment and respect it for what it is. You are grieving a birth experience which was not the one you spent 9 months planning (longer if you grew up watching Rom-Coms and happy ending fairytales). That is a big deal. Let it hurt. Allow yourself to cry. Feel bad. Mourn. It is okay.

I remember sitting on the toilet just crying. Tears streaming down my face as I silently cried (because I didn’t want my husband to hear). I cried so hard, replaying the delivery in my mind. Asking myself, “How could I have let this happen? Why didn’t I practice pushing more before the birth?” It NEVER occurred to me that I would have a c-section.

I let myself have it. But what I was doing without realizing it, was I was allowing myself to grieve. Grieve the “what ifs”, the shoulda, coulda, wouldas.

It’s cathartic to get it out. You need to get it all out to make space for the healing.

Now, Take the Time to Move Past What You Are Feeling?

Now that you got it all out, remind yourself that you just created space for a different energy pattern to take place. Decide to change the radio station. Choose not to sit in the energy that you were holding on to. Know that you respected what you were feeling and now it is time to change the dial.

People are quick to tell you “but you have a healthy baby”. Yes, thankfully this is true, but such statements dismiss the importance of a healthy mind to go along with your healthy baby. So, take your time to move through and past what you are feeling.

I made the conscious decision one day to move forward and it was the best decision for my process of emotional healing after my c-section.

Be Patient With Yourself

Time is one of the best things to give your c-section recovery. Time does not only help physically, but also mentally. Each day that passes you will feel better.

Talk About YOUR Birth Story

It may be difficult to talk about your birth story if it is not the birth story you were expecting. But doing so will be empowering. You will literally be taking ownership of YOUR story as you speak it out loud. If you aren’t quite comfortable yet talking about it, experiment with writing it down. Get it out into the universe.

Soon, what you experienced will no longer be something that happened to you.

Touch Your Scar

This might sound like a weird one but once your scar is healed, touch it. Some women at first find it to be an emotional experience to touch their scars. It might feel foreign at first but will be empowering in the end.

As soon as is safe to do so, start doing c-section scar massage daily to break up the scar tissue. Scar tissue can have lasting adverse effects on your body. Using an oil or salve like this Skin and Scar Balm during the massage soothes, protects and helps the scar heal.

Ask for Help if Needed

The postpartum emotions from a c-section are real. What you are feeling is real. If at any point what you are experiencing is more than you are capable of handling, ask for help. Talk to a counselor or therapist to help you through these emotions. There is no shame in doing so.

Forgive Yourself

I learned that I had to forgive myself if I truly wanted to move forward with my emotional recovery. I had to forgive myself for not knowing to prepare for an unplanned c-section. Forgive myself for not knowing the right questions to ask in the moment.

Grant Yourself Grace

Not only did your body just grow a human, but you also birthed a human and now you have to take care of this human, all while healing your body and mind. That is A LOT. Grant yourself the grace that you would bestow upon your best friend.

You would tell your best friend to go easy on herself. You would tell her to call you if she needed anything. You would tell her she is a wonderful mother who is doing the very best she can with where she is. Go a head, tell yourself all of these things. Be your own best friend and grant yourself grace.

Prioritize Your Emotional Healing After a C-Section

There is not enough discussion about emotional healing after a c-section. Much of the focus is on ones physical recovery. It is vital that we as mothers take care of our selves so we can best take care of the ones we love.

I truly hope these whispers of tips help you in your c-section recovery. Know that you are a warrior of a mama and you are not alone on this journey.

What has helped you during your recovery? Drop a line below and share a whisper or two, I’d love to know!